She never stops...

Its crazy how i started this blog to pure out whats on my heart that i dont and sometimes wont even tell my friends, but now im even keeping things from my own blog. I just keep adding things to my already overstuffed heart and pretend that everythings fine. Today my mother hurt me so bad that i told her that one day she would come home and see me hanging from the doorway....it was so sad...i never considered the idea of taking my own life until this morning. I took all of my friends advice today and it back fired...it just goes to show that i do know my mother more than what people think. I really broke down today and im still going through some of the emotions. sighs*...and even after telling her all that was on my heart she still didnt respond like i wanted her to...no i'm sorry...nothing....she didnt even pull the car over, i just sat there and let the tears just roll down my face in silence. I still dont know what i couldve done to make her be so cold to me. I was so sick this morning and she thought i was faking...she always thinks that im trying to get out of my chorous...and even with me throwing up and on my knees i still did everthing she wanted me to do. I even walked 20mins back home because she locked the keys in the car and she yelled at me because she said i distracted her. I want a mother...not a care taker. She always throws things that shes bought me in my face...but shes doesnt give me the emotional support. I guess raising a boy first made her this way. I even mustarded enough courage that shes worse than my grandmother, and my grandmother is pretty cold. sighs*..okay i feel alittle better