LOL WOWW

Hm...so umm I havent talked to Jason since August and he calls me out of the blue a couple of days ago. Yeaaa I've been talking to him but I havent been feelin where the conversation has been going. I mean yea me and him were together but Ive grown up and these head games that hes tryin to play with me arent working. Its like everytime he calls its about sex. And I havent been sexually active for going on two years. Now my plan is to find someone that I can actually be with forever basically before I let go of my celibacy. Ive got to much going for myself and this shyt that hes pullin is childish. I mean the only thing hes holdin over my head is how i USE TO get down with him. ...I mean I asked him what he missed about me and the first thing he said was my moans...then it was my personality. What kinda shyt is that ?! And he still has a girl friend. How you gone tell me that your going to do this and that to me when you have a girlfriend. I mean if you did that to her too...ugh... I hope she knows that shes not just kissing him but...Im not even goin to go there. Any way...so hes been trying to break me down. I mean i will admit that yea he did have a good head game *whoa flash back*...but thats not all that I want and plus even though im not a virgin anymore i am saving myself for somebody special . Then hes talkin about how he wants to see me ...i was like coo but if u come to my house were stayin in the car. Ohhh and did u know he told me that all the time we werent talking he was driving pass my house periodically. lol and he asked me was he wrong for doing it, umm yea. Its like we'll start talking about normal stuff then all of a sudden he starts talking about how his head game has gotten better and what he can do with his tounge now. Umm yes im sexually frustrated but not desperate or stupid. What ever use to be there is gone now and even if deep down inside i wanna test the water with him again I just couldnt imagin myself going through with it. Yes he knows me like a book and yea we stopped talking for no reason....but i need somethin better than what hes offering. A relationship isnt just sex...its more and i definatly dont want him as baggage while im in college. When i leave im cutting off all access to my x's. When he first called out of the blue...yea i did miss him, that was before kevin came along...he was like a wake up call that there are wwwaaayyyy better guys out there than him. This is only a test...and im passin every part of it...i dont even want him to see me, touch me, nothin...hell when i get up the nerve i will tell him to stop calling....but why if he didnt do anything to me...except leave me hangin for months wondering what in the hell was our relationship about. Either way...Ive moved on and thats point blank. Theres only one person on my list that have a chance to get with me and thats it...

Damnit

sighs*...Jason called out of the blue again yesturday but this time i messed up because since i was so busy i told him i was going to call him back and i wrote down his number. See as long as you dont have the other persons number you never have an obligation to call them. But now this is going to start a whole new thing. So i called him later on and I made sure i told him i was leaving anddd i didnt tell him what college i was going to. Its alot of unfinished stuff thats surrounding us because we have alot of history especially with our friends but I just dont wanna get back into what we use to have. Its like Ive moved on and im trying not to look back. I use to feel so comfortable around him but now its really akward.

Ohh man yesterday i had the worse migraine in the world it was horrible but i took this really quick nap and felt like nothin was ever wrong with me. G2G finish this later

Another Snow Day &

Another day home. *sighs*my weekend zoomed pass me. It was okay if ur wondering. The trip to kent was hell because of the weather and my mom being bitchy again. And sunday...well sunday was cooking....lots of cooking...and today welll i just laid around read and thattsss about it. *yawns*....welll thats it didnt miss tomuch

I Was Havin A Good Day...

Until my mom came home..*screams* ...I'm so close to givinin up on everything I built up for myself...going to college, trying to start my own business, hell even living. People just dont know that my life isnt all that happy as it seems...yea..people in school would describe me as happy, a leader, and a go getter, but there all wrong. I like to hold it down no matter what im going through, sometimes i do a good job and sometimes it breaks me down. Its not that Im puttin up a front but people can be cruel and they can use anything to tear you down. I just know once they find that weak spot its ova...and that goes to friends too...i mean yes im trusting..but..ight ne way...like i was sayin. My mom is suppose to be my support... my good job and hey don't worry about it we all make mistakes mom. When I think im doing good she takes it all away. Today my best friend was like "Shyt u dont have to wait for her to give u some kind of praise, You doing good and you know it so f-her". Yea it sound all good and dandy but it didnt feelll good. How in the hell is it possible that were the same sign but nothin alike mentally . The way we think are completely opposite. Everything has to be perfect to her or she screams and yells. I'm sorry I don't get down wit all dat yellin...its a lot more alternatives to handle things. I like to talk things out...give people support. I might be a tough ass on the outside but I am sensitive and I do think about other people feelings...80% of the time. I'm just tired of the confusion ...First um going to Kent State...then she wants me to go to some school her friends suggested...Then she tells me to go to a community school to save her some money....Then she tells me to go to an all black school because they will give me more money..I'm like two tears away from tellin her "fa get it I'm not going to college". I swear if it wasn't for my friends then I would straight up be some lil nothin like some of the teens my age now. I have dreams...and I did want to share them with her, but now I'm better off just sharing them with some one that will actually listen to me. Take my advice parents that might be reading this...listen to your teens PLEASE. And you might have to listen to some bull crapy stories sometimes but its all a test to see if your listening...to see if your capable of listening to whats really going on. I cant even remember how the good part of my day went because she skewed it up so bad. "Holding Back Tears Comes Natural To Me" Thats a title of a poem I'm working on...its kinda sad to write. Just like this blog. I hate for people to see me cry for some reason, I hate for people to worry about me too...its just I know I can take care of me and even thought they mean good I just like to "self sooth" my own self to comfort . Well I do like a hug ery now and then. ight I really gotta befor stop for I start boo hooin...


--Stressed--Sad--Confused--Tired (SSCT syndrome)

OO00ooSNOW DAYoo00OO

OO00ooSNOW DAYoo00OO



And thats about how my day went today...did some reading...just trying to figure out my finaces and how i should save my money. I figured the 437 could really go towards some books instead of my ring...and since it was all cold and ugh and i didnt have school i didnt go see about my future job. But i will tomorrow no matter what...i was just chillin today....okay bein lazy as hell...but thats not the point. annyy way..so yea...im debating on the ring on should i save for a rainy day like my future education at Kent...im thinking that if i have the job then i can just use that money for my ring...but then again i wanted to turn my cell back on since everybody in my damn phone book are gettin on me about it mmmhm..yep and some of em readin this so yea im talkin to yall...yawns.. yeaa ima head to bed...nighhttt

I love these quizes there so cute..

This is a project of extreme boredem anndd curiosity...Im not suprised at any of the results though*smiles*

You Are A Professional Girlfriend! You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

You Are Confident Sexy You're one sexy chica, and you know it. You've got the confidence to strut your stuff... And approach any man who happens to catch your eye. You may make a guys run away, but the true men will appreciate your moxie.

You Should Be With a Fire Sign! Your best match is an Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius Why? You like your guys manly - and in control Not to mean controlling, but you do like the guy to take the lead A Fire Sign man will take you by the hand… and show you the world Just make sure you're bold too - because this guy likes a challenge!

You Attract A Good Amount of Guys While you may not get the most offers in the room, You've got a good thing going - dating wise You could flirt more and dress up a bit to attract more guys But in general, you are doing just fine!

Your Passion is Red! You've got that spark - a good dose of intensity, power, and determination. You do whatever you want in life ... to hell with what anyone thinks! With so many interests and loves, you're always running around doing something new. You have fire in your eyes, and it shows. Bet you're even wearing something red! You Are Fall! Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart What Season Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. Guys Like That You're Sensitive And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships! What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are 84% Pure!

0 - 19% Pure: If you haven't tried it, it probably hasn't been invented yet. 20 - 39% Pure: You haven't every kinky thing in the world, but you aim to! 40 - 59% Pure: You're a bit of a closet pervert. Who knows what else is in your closet? ;-) 60 - 79% Pure: There's a wild beast in you... somewhere. Let it free 80 - 100% Pure: You're not as innocent as you look - but still pretty innocent!

%20size="+1">How%20Pure%20Are%20You?
Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

The Phone

You ever had a convo with someone on the phone and when you get off everythings kinda of a blur...like wha the hell were we talking about. WWEELLL thats kinda how it was with Joshua today. I mean hes coo...nice...funny...but its somethin missin in his lil package. I think hes feelin me and Im not really feelin him all like that. Hes like a friend I can go to for the lastest books...or just talk about stuff...stuff that would probably bore other ppl. Like lol today he asked me what do i do before i go to bed? It was kinda like a hmmm what do i do before i go to bed. sighs*...any way....after that little weird convo i had a an uplifting convo with my bestfriend kevyyyy. He had my ass rollin as always....makin jokes for things that i thought were normal. well gotta go to beddd...i'll finish this tomorrow.

Hmmm...Today

In the words of Ice cube "Today was a good day". But in my words, cold as hell . I woke up late ...again...My friend kevin said its prolly cus im use to wakin up at that time thats why. I guess its my body inner clock that i have to fix...not my alarm clock. Annnnyyyyway...my weekend was coo... i got that paper done for my scholarship and sent it off today. I had to forge some signitures for my recomendation letters, but i gotta do what i gotta do. But the best part of my day was reading my letter from my "new friend" Kevin...aka kevy. It was soooo sweet...it was one of those letters that make you go awwww while ur reading it. I thought he was going to be mad at me forever, but deep inside hes always going to have a piece of my heart no matter what ...he even took over the pieces that i saved for my x and that guy jason that was kinda sorda my boyfriend but wasnt...any way, Im glade things are simi normal between him and I. *sighs...what else...oh i seen meet the fockers..thats a funny ass movie. I loved it...besides the fact that i laugh at any thing. Hmm...oh and tomorrow is the big day for me because hopefully i'll get that job...i reallly need it. My ring is 437 and some change...so u can see why i need the job and plus i wanna pick at the owners brain to see how hard it was for him to start up his business. Welll thats about it..Ima gooo do some...well nothin i dont have ne h.w. maybe i'll change my blog radio around alil bit.

Making Things Happen

Between school and this crazy idea of having a business Im really streaching myself thin. I didnt realize how much time it would take to do some research for starting your own business and for a thesis paper. sighs* and now i have a 2-4 page paper due for some scholarship that my ragdy teacher gave me. Im not even going to go there tonight about her. Lets just say shes a B*tch...*clears throat* Any way...today Im proud of myself because I had been meaning to go into this new cafe for the past couple of days but i always find myself walking pass it and regreting not taking the chance to see if they were hiring or not since that is something that im interesting in as far as when i develope my own business. So i finally did it. And the answer was no buuttt it opened up two doors for me because I was given two other cafe's there were just opening and looking for employees and one that the girl i was just talking to had quit. So this is what made me keep going and continue with my dream of having my own business. Now school on the hand is talking its toll because of all the extra stuff i have on my plate. I really do need to wrap this up so I can possibly start on my paper. sighs*....I'll finish tomorrow....im thinking about having a blog strictly dedicated to my start up of my own business.

A 4 Day School Week...Are they that desparate?

Are they that desparate for funds that they have to cut out all after school programs including sports and toutoring just to save a few dollars. I dont understand whats happening to the Cleveland school system. How did it get this way? It seems as though when these new people got into office...Mayor Cambell and President Bush...thats when things started to crumble. Do you know that the lil bags of chips..you know the 25 cent ones have gone up a nickle. WHAT THE HELL!! I thought I'd never see the day. Things are getting expensive but pay checks are getting lower. Where is all this money at? *sighs*.....This is truly a wake up call because I know that I stay here I wouldnt want to raise a family in this so called state because of there so called education. There teaching children to take test. Life isnt about how well you do on test its about the things you learned, the things you were involved in, life situations, thinking in general. How can this be my future if there messing them over when it comes to education. This really bothers me....Help me understand. Why Im I worrying about children when Im practically still a child trying to get a higher education. Im worrying about how there going to get into college if they ever make it to that point. sighs*...This is sad. Make sure you check out the link to read the artical. Here it is again... (4 Day week)

Changes....

*Okayyyy...well I've been working on my blog trying to improve it some, make it more entertaining so I added some traffice links on the side so check them out and make sure you check out my new blog radio. Its some nice Neo-Soul songs on there...ummm Im still trying to make it work automatically but so far no luck. Ummm what else...oh as far as my webpage is concerned theres going to be alot of work done on them Im going to try to make my poetry page the home page and visa versa.
**Hmmm what else...oh my day. It was fine I got a call from 'Joshua'...i think i spelled it wrong. But any way most of our conversations are quick because he always has something to do. In a way its a good thing but if we keep going in this direction then we wont really get to know each other. I do enjoy the short conversations because there different and stimualting. Im happy to be able to talk to someone about traveling to other countries. Hes very open minded which I like alot and artistic. So I was thinking about inviting him to one of my readings at the Kamakee one Sunday. Just chill out alittle enjoy some spoken work you know..nothin to serious just friends type thing.
***School...umm see the thing is...well it wasnt my fault this time. I really wanted to get up on time but once again time was not on my side. I jerked awake at 8:10 which wasnt good because I have class at 8:15. I really dont know what happen. My alarm clock didnt go off and I didnt get a wake up call from my mom like i usually would. But as of late this has been happening quite often. I need to get myself together. Alll I can say is at least Im not behind in any work. My friends keep me posted and I hand in work like i was in class.
****Ohhh yesturday I came across something about starting your own business, and i have always had this verison of having my own even though im young I can visualize it like its already built. Sooo ive been doing alittle research on the issue. Ive even gone as far as getting some books to read like 'Starting A Small Business For Idiots' andd a few others.

Happy...Ecstatic

Today was a little different...met a new 'guy' . Hesss...mmm...well i guess i have to get to know him more. I mean hes my type...but then again hes not. Friend material actually. Any way...i didnt get up on time so i missed my test *sighs*. I'll take it tomorrow...I studied a little but i heard it was easy. I got a few new books to ready, there all by Venise Berry. I had read one of books already but Im reading it again along with some of her other collections. Weeelll Im a little tired now... used all my energy talkin on the phone catchin my bstfriend about the 'guy' I met. Hes coo dont worry i'll fill yall in tomorrow wit allll the juicy details. nitee

Winter Depression....

Thats whats been wrong with me ...I forgot where i read it at but i fit the symtoms. The dwelling on the slightest things and becoming reaalll sad...doing things for a long period of time for no reason *like cleaning*...weight gaining....hell i was bored...so i put on a few pounds...they come off as soon as it warms up a little and the snaping at people....i thought i just had pms. Hmphf. Annnyyyway.....i need to get out...more...get another job put a few things on my plate besides food. ouuu maybe i should volunteer somewhere mmmm sounds good. Any way...im looking for the song that match the lyrics of tha song below. Did i confuse u ???? Well ne way...I have to go to that dreadful school of mine tomorrow oh..and i have a test. Some crap about Macbeth and Shakespear...sound familar ne one. Welll ima go study And hopefully get up on time For now...listen to twista song...hope...i like this one too

I love this song...

This can be a real nice poem if you just skip over the chorus...ne way...Im looking for the song to it so bare with me..


(Chorus)

Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with pain
Around my way...

(1st Verse)
People let me paint a picture
You know I ain't a christian
I ain't a muslim, ain't a jew
I'm losing my religion
I speak to god directly
I know my god respect me
Cause he let me breathe his air and he really blessed me
I ain't knocking you, but I don't fuck with hospitals
Spit the gospel, truly knowing jesus like apostles do
Return like the prodigal son to honor Mohammed too
Stay away from ham like Abraham, Lord'll follow you
Even when you took my man Chaka God and what I'm a do
You gave the hood a modern day martyr in Brother Amadou
I'm on the block, I'm tracing your footsteps, I keep the faith in you
Your love, plus hard work and ambition
We gonna make it through, my songs is psalms I'm spiritual when I'm lyrical
This is for my soldier niggaz looking in the mirror who
Sitting home scratching off serials eating cereal
The way we find a way to survive, shit is a miracle
We got mice in the crib and roaches in the toasters, rice in the fridge
Bread in the oven by the roaster
We be takin' gypsy cabs and chasin' 50 bags
They be laced with shitty swag and it really get me mad
The way we saluting flags, wrapping them around our heads
when niggaz ain't become American till 9/11
Feeling like you gotta sneak into heaven
When the reverend looking like a pimp and the pimp look like the reverend

(Chorus)
Around my way...
Around my way...
All the corners filled with sorrow
All the streets are filled with pain
Around my way...

These conditions make us strong
And we create our own businesses so later on
Our children have things in their name that they can say they own
A mix tape freestyle become your favorite song
No place like home when the cops ask you about your neighbors
Beat on you, threaten to incarcerate you
Till you spill your guys like you a Garcia Vega
We roll blunts not the papers
Cop the greatest take it coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago like Smooth Operators
Cop the Dro and cop the blacks
Cop the four, cock it back
Drop the flow, rock a hat on top a stocking cap
Be a doctor or a lawyer or make your momma a promise that
You'll finish school, but when you got a dream you gotta follow that
And make sure when you make it out the hood, you always holler back
Think about what you got from that
And always put your dollars back
On top of that, this is a legacy and we a part of that
The hood is where my heart is at
Catch me around my way.....


--You Get The Jist--

CLEANING....

I just finished cleanin my room like it was no tomorrow. I dont know what came over me. I just started Cleaning....cleaning like i was about to have company over. Wow...my room is spot less, dusted in all, and i even flipped my mattress. WOW. Welp im tired now... night night

Yes Indeedyy

Oh yea...now remeber that sale i was tellin you about...80% off everthing in the store. Welp ya girl definatly hopped on that. I had so much stuff across my arm it was gettin tired. I got about 5 blouses...there orignal prices range from about 38 to 24 and two pair of pants and they were about 37 somethin each. Man the price b4 the percent off was like 172...somethin like that...and afterrrrr it was 46 dollas . You cant tell me that wasnt a sale. Any ways....hmm oh im caught up with my work in english now. I feel relieved. Welp b back later maybe to post some more....

Daddy....

For me...that word is hard to say in front of the man thats my father. I didnt need to use that word growing up and now that i am "grown" its weird calling him that. Now i understand its easy for you to look inside and find solutions to this problem...but its not that easy. I just need time. My mom just thinks Im suppose to be the happiest teen on earth now because i have a father. But actually...im the sadest. Its like no matter how much i smile and laugh...theres still this little girl inside that hasnt grown up with what she needed and shes hating me for not enjoying what she needed growing up...u get it? well im gettin teary so ima end this...hopefully finish tomorrow...enjoy the new video...

But deep inside i do love my daddy...just gon take some time to get use to his presense...Sighs*