Depressed....

Listening to: Jill Scott- I keep
Mood: Very depressed...but trying not to cry
Eating: Nothing...i had something earlier
*************************************************************************************

This is what ive been going through lately. This is a convo between my friend. I figured it'll be easier to just copy and paste the convo then to just type whats going on. Especially since i just got finish talking *wipes away a tear* to him. sighs*


Lincoln [7:15 PM]: started on applications yet?
Aphoristic [7:16 PM]: sighs*...yea
Aphoristic [7:16 PM]: akron
Aphoristic [7:16 PM]: and youngstown
Lincoln [7:16 PM]: oh
Aphoristic [7:16 PM]: i wanna get through with my real choices b4 thanksgiving break
Aphoristic [7:16 PM]: all this stuff is confusing and hard
Lincoln [7:16 PM]: i know, you'll be ok
Aphoristic [7:16 PM]: especially without my mom help
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: we havent been getting along at all...i mean none...nada..zero
Lincoln [7:17 PM]: why is that?
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: iunno
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: like today
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: i went to the library
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: called as usuall
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: and she flipped
Aphoristic [7:17 PM]: shes like
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: why you gotta go to the library
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: why couldnt u do ur homework at home
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: and im in the library trying to whisper
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: so shes like
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: which library are u at
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: im like the one downtown
Aphoristic [7:18 PM]: so she said...so if i go up there u should be there
Aphoristic [7:19 PM]: i really dont know what i did
Aphoristic [7:19 PM]: i never got caught being somewhere i shouldnt
Lincoln [7:19 PM]: she must be goin through stress
Aphoristic [7:20 PM]: shes been on my case so much lately
Aphoristic [7:20 PM]: sometimes i just dont talk to her
Aphoristic [7:20 PM]: like yesturday
Aphoristic [7:20 PM]: i didnt say word since i came in from work
Aphoristic [7:20 PM]: everything was un huh or mm
Aphoristic [7:20 PM]: then i slept till 11 so that took up time
Aphoristic [7:21 PM]: but its been really crazy
Aphoristic [7:21 PM]: and then she said in stand offish
Aphoristic [7:21 PM]: because somethin about not offering my bstf a ride
Aphoristic [7:21 PM]: to work
Aphoristic [7:21 PM]: it was really crazy
Lincoln [7:21 PM]: u drove or yo brother drove u?
Aphoristic [7:22 PM]: my mom took me to work
Aphoristic [7:22 PM]: but last week carra had called and asked for a ride
Aphoristic [7:22 PM]: my thing is...i do offer people things
Aphoristic [7:22 PM]: but when it involves asking her i usually dont
Lincoln [7:22 PM]: why is that
Aphoristic [7:23 PM]: because its always an excuse
Aphoristic [7:23 PM]: or she huffs n puffs about it
Aphoristic [7:23 PM]: and she talks about my attitude but like i told her...i wonder where i got it from
Aphoristic [7:24 PM]: everything i do she doesnt like or she doesnt support or she takes it to far
Aphoristic [7:24 PM]: she listens to everybody else instead of giving advice of her own
Aphoristic [7:25 PM]: like everything she tells me its always my friend told me or my girlfriend daughter did this and maybe u should too or she has a 4.0
Aphoristic [7:26 PM]: when i told her about my college choices her first words were how much
Lincoln [7:27 PM]: u r a talented and bright girl yourself, i dont understand why she's doin that
Aphoristic [7:27 PM]: then she tells me about these colleges that her girlfriends daughters go to and i should consider them
Aphoristic [7:27 PM]: and when i ask her if they have my major she doesnt even know
Aphoristic [7:27 PM]: she doesnt even know what i want to major in
Aphoristic [7:28 PM]: or when she talks to people
Lincoln [7:28 PM]: do u tell her?
Aphoristic [7:28 PM]: she makes it seem like im this girl that cant make up my mind...like she'll talk real loud and say "that girl doesnt know what she wants to do" I dont want to waste my money then have her come back home like her cousin did
Aphoristic [7:29 PM]: no...she doesnt let me talk...she always talks over me and since im not the arguementive type i just let her talk and say my usually un huh yea but or can i talk
Lincoln [7:30 PM]: since u cant talk to her, can you go to carra for emotional support?
Aphoristic [7:30 PM]: yea...im always talking to her..thats why she knows me waayyyy better than my mom
Aphoristic [7:31 PM]: she helped me with all my college stuff
Aphoristic [7:31 PM]: she the one that even told me that i shouldnt listen to my mom about being a doctor
Lincoln [7:31 PM]: well these days, parents do not know their kids like friends do
Aphoristic [7:31 PM]: s*
Aphoristic [7:32 PM]: no matter how many times i tell her what i want to major in...she always says...well u should consider engineering
Lincoln [7:32 PM]: yo mom needs to get told that i doesnt matter about the money, it matters about how much you love that job
Aphoristic [7:32 PM]: and then not to long ago she tried to question my ablity to read over my recommendation letters for grammatical errors
Lincoln [7:32 PM]: it*
Aphoristic [7:33 PM]: i know i keep trying to tell her
Aphoristic [7:33 PM]: ive been told to be an engineer all my life
Aphoristic [7:33 PM]: or do something with math
Aphoristic [7:33 PM]: math is good...i like math
Lincoln [7:33 PM]: i was always told by my father to get into computers but i hate computers
Aphoristic [7:33 PM]: but i dont love it like some kids
Aphoristic [7:34 PM]: lol...really
Lincoln [7:34 PM]: yep
Lincoln [7:34 PM]: i experienced having an office job in the military and im glad i went through that
Lincoln [7:34 PM]: now i know not to major in computers
Aphoristic [7:34 PM]: lol
Aphoristic [7:34 PM]: oh and she keeps telling me to go to OSU
Aphoristic [7:35 PM]: and i keep telling her i dont like big schools
Aphoristic [7:35 PM]: and she says its not about the size but the education
Aphoristic [7:35 PM]: and that my aunt graduated from there and they have connections
Lincoln [7:35 PM]: she aint the one who has to go
Lincoln [7:35 PM]: you have to experience it
Lincoln [7:35 PM]: i hope she gets the big picture real soon
Aphoristic [7:36 PM]: and she keeps talking about how i need to make up mind mind because these colleges are expensive
Aphoristic [7:36 PM]: and shes a single parent
Aphoristic [7:36 PM]: my thing is
Aphoristic [7:36 PM]: she can get on the pc and look up contest
Aphoristic [7:36 PM]: but she cant look up websites that can help single mothers
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: find money for there children
Lincoln [7:37 PM]: you'll get as much financial aid coming from a female single family household
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: its so much money out there
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: i know
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: but she doesnt hear that part
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: im tired of trying to do her part and mine
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: my part was suppose to find scholarships
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: and thats what ive been doing
Aphoristic [7:37 PM]: but now im looking up stuff for her
Aphoristic [7:38 PM]: then when i show her
Aphoristic [7:38 PM]: its oh i'll look at it later dee but turn it on chanel five 20/20 on
Lincoln [7:38 PM]: i feel so sorry for you
Aphoristic101 [7:38 PM]: do u know the tv is never on when im home
Lincoln [7:38 PM]: i hate to leave you but i have to get to my study group
Aphoristic [7:38 PM]: like never never
Aphoristic [7:39 PM]: no prob. ttyl
Lincoln [7:39 PM]: ok, but we
Lincoln [7:39 PM]: we'll get back at this conversation perhaps tomorrow
Aphoristic [7:40 PM]: yawns*...yep..i should be here i think
Lincoln [7:40 PM]: ok, ttyl and nite nite
Aphoristic [7:40 PM]: bye

I havent blogged in a long time...

I kinda miss it. I've been so busy with that low payin ass door to door job..which by the way im quitin very soon. And my lil step team that i barely have control over. My father was suppose to get out yesturday, but no body hasnt heard ne news. They tryin ta find him a place to stay. sighs*. I still love my stadium job. I didnt think i had it ne me to sell that well. I me when i get around those people i completly change into some flirtaous, cute innocent, type person. And every guy wants to buy something from me. And the tips were great (and i get a free work out from goin up and down all them stairs). Yea, but the door to door job was a rip off, i thought i was going to get paid 150 + a week and come ta find out i get 3dollars per card i sell. Can we say bull shyt. OH yea and my baby Browns WON. Had ta put that in there. ya know. Ne way. umm ive been saving my money pretty well. I figured if i keep gettin tips like i do. I really wouldnt have to spend ne of my money from my checks. I can just keep saving for prom.

Speaking of prom...and clothes. I found this cute lil afrocentric website wit some cute ass clothes. Oh my goodness....Everything was just me. its called Ashro . Yea...cute stuff. Umm what else can i say...oh yea..i think its time for me to go out and start dating again. All the signs are there. I mean everyday...and i mean EVERYDAY when i get off from work (that bullshyty ass door to door job) and im siting at the bustop or on the bus...or walking through towercity...theres always a different guy that trys to talk to me, but im always on the run and cant talk because i might miss my bus or im about to get off the bus. Even this pass sunday..when i was just lookin bout thuged out then a lil bit, baggy clothes and everything, a guy was tryin ta talk to me. Its kinda weird but at the same time flattering. And plus i think its been on me alot also since im always smiling now days. Im just so happy and full of energy.

Oh i found a new artist. His name is Lyfe Jennings. Very deep guy and sometimes depressing. I tried to upload some music on my own, and his song was my first vitum for my music experiment. I'll keep tryin though. but yall gotta telll me if u can hear the music or not. Sighs*. well i've typed enough. Time ta do some h.w. or try up.loadin some music. Ima move the link from my other entry so u can see it. Ight..im out...for now. Heres one of the songs...u gotta listen to the lyrics on this one.

Time To Myself....

I finally have time to myself ...its not alot because i have to go to practice in a lil while. Well whats been up with me you ask....ALOT. Lets start with friday....Friday was suppose to be my chill day because i was stressin all last week....Welp friday wasnt a good day to chill because my house had gotten broken into....they only took my mom and i piggy banks. So i can say im blessed about that. But now my mom is extremly paronoid. She's being extra careful because she thinks they might try to come back like they did on that fri. I was home alone and it was around 9ish when this guy comes banging on my door. I called 911 and i just broke down and started hyperventilating. My mom had come within mins of the police arriving. I describe the guy to them and just when they were about to leave I spotted him across the street and they arrested him on the spot *sighs*....Now Sat. was alil better because I say the forgotten. GREAT MOVIE. Very scarey its a must see. Then the same day my bestfriend and i just chilled something she and i havent had a chance to do in a while with eachother. Sunday was weird. I work at the Browns stadium now as a vendor. I was selling peanuts....i mostly got tips because the guys were drunk and kept complimenting me on my smile and my looks. I even met this nice guy by the name of Justin. He called my his lil hershey bar *giggles*. I worked my ass off though. I was sore as hell the next day in which i had started my second job going door to door. It was fun. It was about four of us and i work with my bstf so i really didnt have a problem doing it. Now it brings today. MY LEGS HAVE HAD ENOUGH. There so sore. I can barely walk....but im makin it...and you know i have to walk to school and thats 30mins going and coming from. But i found out i qualify for bus tickets so i dont have to keep walking if i dont want to and now i dont have to spend 3dollors on an all day pass when i go to work. YAY...well thats all for now...im makin a quick lunch b4 i head back to school for practice...miss me much and tell me if you can hear the music...i think its something wrong with it